pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Everything about him screamed your future.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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