I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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