Umm I'm too high to move.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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