I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
