the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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