We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My dick has a subreddit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
