so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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