You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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