Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
