That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
