Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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