You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
