Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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