Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have aggressive nipples.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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