how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
