I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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