his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
