Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
