First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
