if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if only i could text you this smell
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
