I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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