Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
