So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
