Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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