woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
