JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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