The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
