I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
