Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
