just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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