I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
