people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to sanitize my soul.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
