Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
