u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the condom got lost in my hair
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
