that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
