brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
