i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
