He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
