I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
