Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
