I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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