Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
