The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
