Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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