Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
