Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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