I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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