I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
