I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
