Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
