your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
