i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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