already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
