Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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