we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
